Men only get manlier with age
As we have said repeatedly, it should be every man’s goal to become the manliest that he can possibly be. Most of this responsibility falls on the man himself; however, there is another man behind how manly a man can become. A man that the toughest of man would not dare challenge for fear of their safety. Of course, I speak of the Old Man.
The Old Man has two goals in life. Obviously one is to become the manliest man he can be, but the second objective comes with the birth of his son(s). It is said that influences in the early years of a child’s life can be the most influential and this is exactly why it is so important for an Old Man to begin his son’s Man Training immediately.
Some of an Old Man’s responsibilities include but are definitely not limited to:
- Issuing proper manly toys (Transformers, Awesome Lego sets, GI Joes, Anything that shoots, etc.)
- Encouraging manly behaviours (Potentially dangerous and hilarious stunts, Sports, Hunting, Fishing, Fighting, etc.)
- Safeguarding against unmanly influences (Celebrities, Hollywood gossip, Trendiness)
- “The Talk” – But the real version. No bullshit birds and the bees talk. The talk is considered to have taken place when your Old Man hands you the box of old porno.
If you’re a man reading this, I’m sure your man brain has raised a few questions such as: “Why would I bother with that much work?” and “If it is every man’s goal to be as manly as he can be, why would you want to teach potential competition to be manly?” Excellent questions, men. The answer is very simple and is the point of this article:
Old Man Strength
When a man has a son, it is his duty to pass on all man knowledge and skills to this new man. Yes, it can be a lot of work as kids are a pain in the ass, but remember, you have the opportunity to be responsible for the potential new manliest man, a title which is currently shared between Mike and myself. A title which all men should dream of, but only a few will attain.
The work you put into making your son manly is also mutually beneficial. Not only do you get bragging rights over other pansy old men whose sons turned out to be fruit loop Fashion Designers, but in making your son manly, you will gain the manliest attribute of all: your Old Man Strength.
We have touched briefly on Old Man Strength before, but this article will give you a better understanding of what it is, how it works and why it’s so bad ass. Before I go any further, it is important to mention the following:
We have received several comments and emails talking about how being manly means taking care of your family, raising your kid, being nice to your old lady, etc. I am here to officially state that this is BS. Yes these are a man’s duties, but how does doing your job make you manly? You are simply doing what you are supposed to do. I’m NOT saying this makes you unmanly, but to earn proper man points, you need to go above and beyond.
Chase the men breaking into your house 4 blocks down the street and when they’re tired, beat their asses and detain them for police, get a super hot wife, make your kid a future pro sports juggernaut. These are the types of things that constitute manly. Think in terms of service at a restaurant. The better service you get, the more you tip. Well, the manlier you are doing your required man duties, the more man points you earn. The Man Institute does not want to hear any more comments from you underachieving wieners trying to justify your lack of manliness.
Sorry, back on topic. Your Old Man Strength begins to kick in from the moment you start teaching your son to be a man. The manlier you make your son, the manlier you become. This is the benefit you get from showing a brand new man the ropes. As you get older, earning man points becomes significantly harder. Old Man Strength is a great way to go about earning some.
We do know a lot about Old Man Strength; however, there is still much to learn. On of the mysteries is what we like to call the Old Man Strength Conflict (or OMSC). The OMSC states that if an old man does his job and makes his son a proper man, his son can never become stronger than him. This is evident if you just look to your dad. He could beat your ass, just as his old man could beat his. The mystery lies in physical strength. A son can work out and train all he wants, but his old man will always be able to pound him, even though his son may be able to beat the piss out of someone who could whoop his old man’s ass. No one knows what causes this, but all young men should be aware of it. Young men out there: If you think you are ready to challenge your old man, think again. You are looking for a severe ass kicking.
Here’s an example of some Old Man Strength. I have a much lighter aluminum and plastic broom and could just barely pull this off:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGkTR2hACHc&feature=player_embedded
If you think you’re tough enough, give it a shot. It’s harder than you may think, unless you have Old Man Strength. This insane finger strength undoubtedly is derived from the secret in-car punishment technique of gripping your kids just above the knee and driving your fingers in to solve any conflict.
Old Man Strength is still around, but is nowhere near as strong as it once was. Since it’s strength is dependant on how manly one’s son gets, the average lack of manliness has caused Old Man Strength to decline as the average man isn’t as manly. Lucky for you, Old Man Strength is something that you can control, it is just harder in this day and age with trendiness and laziness on the rise.
This world needs some manlier men. By training your son in the manly arts, you are boosting the man points of not just one, but two men. All it takes is for the next generation of men to grow up manly and the average manliness could be raised back up to where it should be.
New old men, the onus is on you to rebuild the everyday man. If you train your son now to be the juggernaut uber-man that all men should be, you may be setting an example to all your friends. Also when your son reproduces, he will take a lesson from you and create a manly man. By training your son properly, you could be bettering the planet.
About the Author
The Man Institute was founded based on the deteriorating amount of manliness in today’s men. Men are becoming wimps, whiners and overall unmanly.
At the institute, we aim to give rise to manliness in todays society through manly articles about everything that a man should be.
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